Ineffable Beauty

ImageWhat a terribly amazing, unbelievable world we live in. We never know what will happen in this crazy and unpredictable world. One minute we are in love the next, we are acting like an idiot and fighting over what means nothing to us. We sabotage, and lie and cheat, all because we are afraid of giving ourselves totally. We constantly look for other options and miss the Ineffable Beauty that is right here within in and in front of us. We forget that we are staring at the Beauty of Heaven right in front of us, in our partner, in ourselves. We compare and contrast the world and each other, into little bits, and belittle the Divinity that pours out of every form. We tear apart those who are close to us; those who are also afraid of Love and of being Love. We beat each other up and yell and scream and shout, we do this because we think we somehow need to defend ourselves from each other. We are only keeping ourselves from Ourselves, by this nonsense that we participate in. Again and again we fail to trust in Love, we fail to realize that what we are is Ineffable and cannot be destroyed.

When will we just love and be Love, without all the nonsense of dividing and separating ourselves from the overwhelming Beauty that is everywhere?

It is no wonder why we don’t do this. None of us know how to live in this crazy impermanent world. A world that we are shown is safe and unsafe, full of love and stability, and chaos and unpredictability. It is no wonder we have no idea what to do, or which way to go. It is no wonder we make such a mess of things. And yet, somehow we are expected to trust even though nothing in Life seems trustworthy. We never know when our final breath will come, when our last kiss will be, we never know who will be with us tomorrow. Our closest partners love us deeply; and harm and hurt us, and in turn we do the same. What madness we create, through our hopes and fears, through our humanity. And what Beauty we create and share through our hearts, through our Divinity. What an unimaginable paradox it is to be Human.

The very machinery we use to decide how to live, is at its best a practical instrument for guessing which way to go; how to proceed, based on what we might guess will happen or assume has happened. At its worst, our minds are a psychological mess, deeply wounded, impaired, cracked, divided, broken and have so many voices within them, that we have no way of telling which direction we should go. Being a human is a total mess, and yet there is something here that inhabits our human form. There is a wonderful aliveness, a mysterious Divinity, an Ineffable Beauty; that despite our humanity, shines through. This Divinity is that which outlasts the totality of our life.

 No matter how far off the cliff, we fall into the chaos of our minds, this Divinity is here; silent, radiant and clear, waiting for us to come back home to ourselves. Waiting for us to come back to our innate Beauty and Love.  The only question is when will be open again and come Home?

If we are lucky this Divinity Guides us. If we are lucky, we listen to it. If we are unlucky we listen to the hopes and fears of our minds, which will undoubtedly cause unbelievable chaos in our lives. When we do listen to this part of ourselves, we miss the unfathomable Beauty which is right before our eyes.

For those close to me and all around me, I apologize for my humanity, for fearing Love, for mistrusting the Beauty of Life, for mistrusting my Self, for seeing you as my enemy, when you are my very Love, my very Self. I apologize for looking at God in the eyes and running and turning my back on you. My prayer for all of us is to know ourselves as Divine, to see and act as Divinity, to stop defending, fighting and withdrawing ourselves from each other and to forgive each other when we fail, and to forgive each other for again getting confused by our insanity and mistaking it for the truth. My Prayer is that we know our Divinity and the Ineffable Beauty that is right in front of us, in the form of You.  My prayer is that we again open to each other and Love the Ineffable Beauty that we are.

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Who needs to be Enlightened?

MonkIt occurred to me when I was quite young that I must know what Enlightenment was. From deep within this aspiration arose. It was a totally irrational and impersonal impulse toward freedom. This type of deep yearning for Truth, for Freedom can come from no other place. Enlightenment, in the end, takes everything from our ego, it is a total stripping down of the narcissistic self. No ego could ever want this, to want this, would be wanting one’s own death.

But what I found somewhere along the way, was that my ego also, wanted freedom, because it thought that there was something to be gained. I thought enlightenment meant to be free from suffering and that I would finally get to rest. As I inquired more and more into this, I saw that this is what the ego wants; to rest, and that this was a very innocent request. In a sense, we all want to stop fighting against the movement of Life. And there is a tremendous relief when we finally let go. But ironically, our ego will only let go for a period of time, before it reasserts its drama. Because our narcissistic sense of self, maintains itself from creating drama. So even after we fully surrender, and deeply let go into our freedom, our mind will rise again; this is normal. Yet, we remain free as long as we resist the temptation to engage in our ego’s neurotic dance.

But as I was inquiring into this seeking for enlightenment, what I also found was a part of me that wanted to be able to claim enlightenment for my own self validation. As I looked deeply at this I saw there was still a part of me that did not feel whole, and felt that if I could claim enlightenment or hold onto to it, that somehow I would be saved. That somehow I would be a better, fuller version of myself. This is again, another dance of the narcissistic ego, it is always trying to improve upon itself as a way of fully feeling better about oneself, yet it never gets there.

It is almost as if, I were enlightened, then everyone would know how lovable I am. But again this is another dance of ego. If we truly wake up, then we know we are lovable. We know that we are complete, right here, right now, even with all of our deficiencies. And we have some work to do. What begins to dawn on us, is that we are perfect; that we all are the living embodiment of the Divine just as we are. The thought that we are less than, comes from our ego which operates out of deficiency. In a sense without deficiency, the ego may not exist. But as long as we believe that we are deficient, then our ego has plenty of room to struggle against life, and recreate itself again and again. When we are seeking to be free, it may be helpful to ask, who needs to be Free? Am I following a deep impulse for Truth from within, or am I following and my ego’s need to be somebody important? Who needs to claim Enlightenment? If we are truly free, we do not need to claim anything, because we know who we Are, and we can rest in our Divinity, and we relax in relationship to our shortcomings. As we do this, miraculously many, not all, of our short comings begin to fall away.