Can we step into the Hugeness of Divinity that we are and meet ourselves, our relationships and our lives from the strength and totality of this embodiment. To do this we must be willing to stop believing in the movement of our minds and their story of reality, and see that there is one here who is noticing the story, one here who is outside of the story witnessing life. And this one has no age, no gender, and is not aligned with any wounds or beliefs; this one is already complete and totally free. When we step into this as ourselves, we can meet all the painful and wounded aspects of our ego, with the healing space of Love. And as the Love, that we are, touches the painful, hurt and wounded places within us, we heal.
So this is our invitation, can we align with the boundless perspective of the witness that we are and our Divinity as us. And as we do this can we meet fear, and misperception, misrepresentation, anger, hostility, emotional vulnerability and the impermanence of life from the spacious Divinity that we are? Can we allow our pain to heal in the Hugeness of our Divinity? Can we allow ourselves to be touched by our Love?
To the degree that we meet these things in ourselves, is to the same degree that we can meet this in others; our invitation is to take care of ourselves first. Because if we do not first heal ourselves; we will not be able to be fully present to those around us and to the healing of our world. And yet as we heal ourselves, we heal the world; because we are not separate from Life, we are not separate from anyone or anything; we are one with all of existence as this Existence.
How deep can we surrender beyond fear, beyond doubt, beyond the constant insanity of our minds; into the Beauty and depth of Peace that we are? This is our constant invitation, and our life gives us numerous opportunities throughout our day to live in our habitual mentality and suffer; or to step into the huge Reality of our Divinity.
Tonight at Satsang, I invited all of us to look directly into a mirror and notice the incredible Beauty and Aliveness pouring out of our eyes. Our mind may comment that we look this way or that way, but if we look directly into our own eyes, and let go of the commenting of our egoic nature, what we will find is this incredible Beauty and Mystery that we are. And this Beauty has been with us our entire life, yet we mistakenly align with the judgmental and divisive thoughts of our minds, and miss this Divinity that we are, that we have always been.
What a terribly amazing, unbelievable world we live in. We never know what will happen in this crazy and unpredictable world. One minute we are in love the next, we are acting like an idiot and fighting over what means nothing to us. We sabotage, and lie and cheat, all because we are afraid of giving ourselves totally. We constantly look for other options and miss the Ineffable Beauty that is right here within in and in front of us. We forget that we are staring at the Beauty of Heaven right in front of us, in our partner, in ourselves. We compare and contrast the world and each other, into little bits, and belittle the Divinity that pours out of every form. We tear apart those who are close to us; those who are also afraid of Love and of being Love. We beat each other up and yell and scream and shout, we do this because we think we somehow need to defend ourselves from each other. We are only keeping ourselves from Ourselves, by this nonsense that we participate in. Again and again we fail to trust in Love, we fail to realize that what we are is Ineffable and cannot be destroyed.
When will we just love and be Love, without all the nonsense of dividing and separating ourselves from the overwhelming Beauty that is everywhere?
It is no wonder why we don’t do this. None of us know how to live in this crazy impermanent world. A world that we are shown is safe and unsafe, full of love and stability, and chaos and unpredictability. It is no wonder we have no idea what to do, or which way to go. It is no wonder we make such a mess of things. And yet, somehow we are expected to trust even though nothing in Life seems trustworthy. We never know when our final breath will come, when our last kiss will be, we never know who will be with us tomorrow. Our closest partners love us deeply; and harm and hurt us, and in turn we do the same. What madness we create, through our hopes and fears, through our humanity. And what Beauty we create and share through our hearts, through our Divinity. What an unimaginable paradox it is to be Human.
The very machinery we use to decide how to live, is at its best a practical instrument for guessing which way to go; how to proceed, based on what we might guess will happen or assume has happened. At its worst, our minds are a psychological mess, deeply wounded, impaired, cracked, divided, broken and have so many voices within them, that we have no way of telling which direction we should go. Being a human is a total mess, and yet there is something here that inhabits our human form. There is a wonderful aliveness, a mysterious Divinity, an Ineffable Beauty; that despite our humanity, shines through. This Divinity is that which outlasts the totality of our life.
No matter how far off the cliff, we fall into the chaos of our minds, this Divinity is here; silent, radiant and clear, waiting for us to come back home to ourselves. Waiting for us to come back to our innate Beauty and Love. The only question is when will be open again and come Home?
If we are lucky this Divinity Guides us. If we are lucky, we listen to it. If we are unlucky we listen to the hopes and fears of our minds, which will undoubtedly cause unbelievable chaos in our lives. When we do listen to this part of ourselves, we miss the unfathomable Beauty which is right before our eyes.
For those close to me and all around me, I apologize for my humanity, for fearing Love, for mistrusting the Beauty of Life, for mistrusting my Self, for seeing you as my enemy, when you are my very Love, my very Self. I apologize for looking at God in the eyes and running and turning my back on you. My prayer for all of us is to know ourselves as Divine, to see and act as Divinity, to stop defending, fighting and withdrawing ourselves from each other and to forgive each other when we fail, and to forgive each other for again getting confused by our insanity and mistaking it for the truth. My Prayer is that we know our Divinity and the Ineffable Beauty that is right in front of us, in the form of You. My prayer is that we again open to each other and Love the Ineffable Beauty that we are.
It occurred to me when I was quite young that I must know what Enlightenment was. From deep within this aspiration arose. It was a totally irrational and impersonal impulse toward freedom. This type of deep yearning for Truth, for Freedom can come from no other place. Enlightenment, in the end, takes everything from our ego, it is a total stripping down of the narcissistic self. No ego could ever want this, to want this, would be wanting one’s own death.
But what I found somewhere along the way, was that my ego also, wanted freedom, because it thought that there was something to be gained. I thought enlightenment meant to be free from suffering and that I would finally get to rest. As I inquired more and more into this, I saw that this is what the ego wants; to rest, and that this was a very innocent request. In a sense, we all want to stop fighting against the movement of Life. And there is a tremendous relief when we finally let go. But ironically, our ego will only let go for a period of time, before it reasserts its drama. Because our narcissistic sense of self, maintains itself from creating drama. So even after we fully surrender, and deeply let go into our freedom, our mind will rise again; this is normal. Yet, we remain free as long as we resist the temptation to engage in our ego’s neurotic dance.
But as I was inquiring into this seeking for enlightenment, what I also found was a part of me that wanted to be able to claim enlightenment for my own self validation. As I looked deeply at this I saw there was still a part of me that did not feel whole, and felt that if I could claim enlightenment or hold onto to it, that somehow I would be saved. That somehow I would be a better, fuller version of myself. This is again, another dance of the narcissistic ego, it is always trying to improve upon itself as a way of fully feeling better about oneself, yet it never gets there.
It is almost as if, I were enlightened, then everyone would know how lovable I am. But again this is another dance of ego. If we truly wake up, then we know we are lovable. We know that we are complete, right here, right now, even with all of our deficiencies. And we have some work to do. What begins to dawn on us, is that we are perfect; that we all are the living embodiment of the Divine just as we are. The thought that we are less than, comes from our ego which operates out of deficiency. In a sense without deficiency, the ego may not exist. But as long as we believe that we are deficient, then our ego has plenty of room to struggle against life, and recreate itself again and again. When we are seeking to be free, it may be helpful to ask, who needs to be Free? Am I following a deep impulse for Truth from within, or am I following and my ego’s need to be somebody important? Who needs to claim Enlightenment? If we are truly free, we do not need to claim anything, because we know who we Are, and we can rest in our Divinity, and we relax in relationship to our shortcomings. As we do this, miraculously many, not all, of our short comings begin to fall away.
To be awake, it is necessary to investigate the various parts of our self that make up our humanity; because our humanity is often where we become deluded into believing we are something, that we are not. Our will is one of the major areas where we quickly become unconscious or lost in egoic identification. Yet, our personal will is a fundamental building block of our ego. Our will is most basically, the psychological force or program within us that wants to survive, maintain, assert itself, fight against, or fundamentally separate itself in order to create a separate sense of identity. In a healthy way, our will is what makes us want to have a career or have a family or be a part of a political party; our will is what drives us to succeed at sports or want to be right. From a psychological perspective, having a good strong will, creates a healthy sense of self from which an individual operates in the world.
Yet if we believe too much in our will, and mistake it for who and what we truly are, this will lead to more delusion within ourselves. We all have known times when we have fought persistently to be right, and as a result experienced intense separation. If we give our will too much power or authority over ourselves, then we will end up believing in it’s point of view exclusively. This point of view is generally some version of me against the world. And if we see the world from this perspective we will not be seeing Life from the perspective of Unity, of Oneness.
Naturally our relationship with our will must be investigated if we are going to be free. There are many spiritual practices and ascetic techniques that work to break down our will such as hours and hours of meditation, difficult yogic asanas; many spiritual traditions prescribe difficult labor without purpose or aim, such as racking gravel in one direction and then the other. These may be helpful if done with sincerity, but if they are done from the perspective of the will, they can actually reinforce the will, not exhaust it. But a wonderful space opens when the will is exhausted, and we become so open and raw that we have no choice but to surrender. This is where most spiritual practices try to bring us, to this point of exhaustion and eventual surrender. Although, we are welcome at any point, to fully surrender our will and to let go; right here, right now. This is the direct path; to step onto the direct path, we must be deeply sincere; and be more sincere than our attachment to our own will. Sincere surrender is by far the most direct way to let go of the will and to step into this huge Mystery that we are.